BONGO FURY New Novella Excerpt and Trailer

Hi, my new novella is out on paperback now and pre-order for e-book. You can order a copy

It’s a gritty black comedy set in Northern Ireland and you can view the trailer


If you would like to read a sample, please keep on reading- thank you!

(Warning- contains bad language!)

To my surprise, I actually had a few customers early on. They all spent less than a tenner, but cash is cash. The morning was uneventful and I closed up for an hour at lunch and went round to ‘The Diner’ cafĂ©’. They did an amazing Ulster fry and chips. Two fucking plates full! Anyway, when I got back to the shop, I found the door ajar and the shitty lock had been broken off. I couldn’t see anyone inside, as I eased in around the door, my fists ready. Two men then casually sauntered out from my back room.

“Hello Jimmy,” leered the first one. He was around my age, thinning on top, a thin face and a thin smile. The second was about twenty, still a little puffy faced and puffed up with youth. He had an earring, but enough muscle to avoid being called a fruit.
“Who the fuck are you two clowns?” I demanded, getting ready for a scuffle. I wasn’t as fit as a butcher’s dog like I’d used to be, but I was still tight enough.
“Less of the cheek,” said Thin, “Sit the fuck down.”
“Go fuck yourself,” I said, moving closer. Puff shuffled a little on the spot.
“We’re here to talk to you Jim- that’s all,” said Thin.
“Well, you didn’t need to break my friggen front door then, did you? What d’ya want?”
“Will we go in the back and talk Jim?” said Thin, gesturing benevolently with his hand.
They both moved to the side of the counter to let me pass.
“Sure,” I said.
I took two quick steps and my right fist made mashed spuds of Puff’s nose. He fell backwards, trying to suppress the spray of blood with both hands. He let out a muffled ‘Fuuuuuck!’
Thin reached swiftly into his left breast pocket, but I punched him hard in the arm, damn near breaking bone. He gave a littlel yelp, like a Rottweiler stubbing its toe. I gave him a hard two jabs to his right cheek. He went down too. It wasn’t that hard. I’ve still got the bulk. They were both stunned and I casually collected a pistol from each of them. I checked them over. Puff’s wasn’t even loaded. Throwing the guns behind me, I stood over my two assailants and waited patiently to listen to the inevitable threats.
“You’re fucking dead now Black. You shouldn’t have done this,” said Thin, getting to his knees and trying to regain some composure.
“Really?” I said, lifting a small children’s pink ukulele off the wall, “Try a different tune.”
I smashed it off his head and it made a satisfying crunch. It only dazed him a little, it was more for the craic. Puff was on his honkers too, trying to look tough again, but failing miserably. I pointed at him.
“It’ll be a fucking double-bass on your loaf if you give me any trouble,” I said.

He looked down at the floor, seething.

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